The loss of a child is a grief that defies the natural order of things. While Memorial Day honors those lost in war, there’s a void in language for parents mourning children lost in any circumstance. This article explores the profound grief of parents who have lost children – the vilomahs – and the need for recognition on Memorial Day and every day.
The Unspoken Grief of a Parent’s Loss
There isn’t a universally recognized word in the English language for a parent who has lost a child. Words like “orphan” and “widow” exist, offering a specific label for a particular type of loss. Yet, the profound grief of a parent burying their child remains unnamed, leaving many feeling isolated in their sorrow. Author Colum McCann poignantly highlighted this linguistic gap in an NPR essay, noting the lack of a word to describe this unique and devastating experience. He observed the quiet, yet profound grief of these parents, a grief that desperately needed a name.
This absence is particularly striking on Memorial Day, a day dedicated to remembering fallen soldiers. While we honor the sacrifice of those who died in service, the profound grief of their parents often remains unacknowledged in our language. The absence of a specific term underscores the need for greater recognition and support for those left behind.
Vilomah: A Name for the Unnatural Order
The Sanskrit word “vilomah” offers a potential solution to this linguistic void. Meaning “against a natural order,” it aptly describes the devastating experience of a parent burying a child. This concept resonates with the Chinese saying that “the grey haired should not bury the black haired,” highlighting the societal understanding that children should outlive their parents. Vilomah encapsulates the profound disruption of this natural order.
The need for this word extends far beyond the battlefield. From school shootings to natural disasters, accidents to illnesses, the tragic reality is that children die every day, leaving behind grieving parents. Vilomah gives a voice to this silent grief, acknowledging the shared experience of loss that transcends individual circumstances. McCann’s search for a suitable term led him to this Sanskrit word, recognizing its powerful resonance with the experience of losing a child.
Recognizing the Vilomahs Among Us
While “vilomah” might sound unfamiliar, its usage can bring much-needed recognition and understanding to grieving parents. Just as we’ve become accustomed to the word “widow,” we can learn to embrace “vilomah” as a way to acknowledge and support those who have experienced this profound loss. It’s a word that allows us to see and acknowledge the pain carried by parents whose children have died, whether from violence, illness, accidents, or any other cause.
On Memorial Day and every day, let us remember not only those who have died, but also the vilomahs left behind. By using this word, we can help break the silence surrounding this unique form of grief and offer support to those navigating the unimaginable pain of losing a child. By incorporating “vilomah” into our vocabulary, we can foster a greater understanding of parental grief and provide comfort and support to those who have suffered this unimaginable loss. Vilomah, a parent whose child has died.